I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
