You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
