I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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