I can tuck mytits in my pants
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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