I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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