after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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