Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
