Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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