My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
