does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
