i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
