i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize