I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
