Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
