I think I won the penis lottery.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
