3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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