I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
