We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
