Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
