i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
