I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize