i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will pee on everything he values.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
