Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
