I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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