I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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