I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
