She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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