If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
