textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just high enough for therapy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize