just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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