I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
