I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
