So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's the barista slut.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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