i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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