Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
