So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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