Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
