She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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