I'm so fucking centered right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
