i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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