No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
