new low.... made out with someone while peeing
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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