I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
