areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
