If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
