Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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