He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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