Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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