we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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