How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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