I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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