Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
