after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
