she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
