speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
