guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
