at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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