Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
