Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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