Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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