this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
