I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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