We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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