Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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