so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
