i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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