he puts the penis in happiness.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
