Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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