I just pynch a tree in the face
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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