i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
