I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
