i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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