I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
