I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
