So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
