In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize