I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
