True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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