You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
