woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
