So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
