So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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