Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
