I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
