I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
