I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
