Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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