ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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