If that was your dad, he is hot
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
