4 words: hood of his car
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
