SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
