He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
