Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
