never play flip cup with pint glasses
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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