I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
