Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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