Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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