I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
smell my finger.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
