:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
