I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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